As Though Life Itself Isn’t Tough Enough..

Sigh… It’s again a sad thing to start off a post with a sigh. But heck, what to do? When life’s really burning at your feet, no matter how hard you try not to think about it or try to avoid it, you still feel it searing every corners and sides of your toes. I’ve sighed till there’s no other sighs superior than mine. Can you imagine that? Sometimes I don’t understand why I sigh so much but I definitely did not choose to sigh. >.< Maybe it’s inherent or inborn.

I really hate to post sad columns, but by chance that whenever I have the opportunity to blog, I’m filled with frustrations. That’s why my ‘graciousparadise’ is filled with sad posts.Not gracious at all. Sigh.. Only when someone has lost so many things, people start to pay attention to that person. That’s what I saw lately. Everyone had their problems. I had mine too. The thing is that, I don’t know how to phrase mine. It doesn’t look complex, but in actual fact things are all really messy. And they are all really disappointing. Certain people just can’t seem to understand certain things sometimes. And certain people tend to forget about their grassroots. There are some who do not even bother to see to the things people ask of them. A handful of them like to pinch. The rest point their noses high as though they want to collect rainwater in their nostrils.

When I turned left today, I saw a guy who takes things real light as long as it doesn’t hurt him. When I turned right, I met a girl who thinks she has everything when she does what the guy she likes, likes to do. Above me, I saw a group of young boys trying to please themselves by telling each other how much people around them had cared for them, and under my nose I saw a bunch of filthy animals thinking that they’re greater than any creature ever existed, but they had forgotten that they’re even cheaper than the drain moss that I collected for my biology project before. It’s so lame when people start to realise things when it’s too late.

What can I do?

Why on Earth, do not people learn and deliver when time hasn’t become the limiting factor? Why gotta wait till after words are said and actions are done only will people start to do what they’re supposed to do when it wasn’t too late but learn that they regret, from that very point of time, when it’s too late? Things aren’t that complicated unless we think they are. Humans I think, which I thought I was wrong earlier, really are selfish, as time had failed to prove me wrong until today. It saddens me to discover how ignorant certain people are and how unwilling people are to change and so. But it wonders me how certain filthy creatures behave nowadays. Pardon me if I hurt anyone in this way. If anyone noticed, I have not mentioned anyone in this column, but everyone is welcomed to do a role call as you go the the list.

Life’s not that easy, especially when God make it difficult for us. .

Today’s post, unfortunately will be a boring one, in contrast to what I had before. ‘Sigh…’ is the only thing I can do. It’s super boring, and tiring when you have loads of work to do, what more if you delay some of them till they stack up just like piles of haystack in farms. Yea, that’s me. I haven’t been really able breathe, have my own personal space, do things I like to do, talk to people I want to talk to, have a good night sleep, enjoy a scoop or two of ice cream, treat my tongue to a slice of chocolate-mint, shopping, cycling and movies. These were the things I usually do when I still had the time, and true to say that the word here is ‘were’. Haih..

And now the worst thing is that I have to face people I don’t wanna see everyday. It sucks. My gudness. I have changed a lot. From a jovial and crazy kinda gal, who knows her limits as in when to stop, I had transformed into a killing machine who have nothing in my mind but rage and frustration. Thanks to the environment of course. I had given up on doing homework. Really. That’s another change. Used to love them. I used vulgar words on last week with my parents at home. >.< I felt so different. It was the second time in my life that I was so vulgar. Of course there’s still some sense of humanity in me-


I FELT GUILTY.


Sigh. .Fate was never on my side ( I used to believe in lucks, but now NO). I had encountered so many disasters. I felt so devastated. Life wasn’t being fair to me. I avoided many peoples, friends and family. I missed people who had already passed away. I’m getting too greedy, I want everything good to be mine. I started day-dreaming. I do not give in anymore. Sympathy is not my game anymore. It’s history. Sigh.
I wish I could still gather courage in me to penetrate this emotional and spiritual barrier. Someone please lend me a hand .. arhhhh >.<

101's back

Anyone still remember my 101 list?! =)
Let's check my achievement...here we go

+ FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS
01. Visit my grandparents once a week and consistently- Goal completed
02. Take my younger sister to shopping with my own car.
03. Visit my cousin's grave and bring him flowers.
04. Make a new friend. ++ Goal completed ( Friends, I shall say)
05. Make a quality friend. Goal completed
06. Find a wife my older brother. =)
07. Spend a week with my mom. ++ goal completed
08. Get engaged (in the future).
09. Plan a wedding (in the future).
10. 'Kacau' my friends at the place where they worked. =P ++ goal completed
11. Plan a special 'just because' outing with him.
12. Get in contact with my best friend from primary & high school.
13. Spend a day with my cousins.++ Goal completed
14. Play W.O.W with friends.++ Goal completed
15. Go on a date a week for 6 months with my future 'him'.
16. Visit Sarah in whatever place she is in at the time.

+ CREATIVE & LEARN
17. Redesign my website. ++ goal completed
18. Create something on canvas.++ goal completed
19. Design new birthday cards. ++ goal completed
20. Update my portfolio. ++ goal completed
21. Take violin lessons.
22. Learn flash.++ goal completed
23. Take a pottery class.
24. Sign up for a dancing class. ++ goal completed
26. Visit the library, check out some good books.++ goal completed
27. Blog on design-friends for a month straight.
28. Take a language class. ++ goal completed (Going to learn France next, hope so)
29. Take a photo a day for 6 months and make a coffee table book.+ completed the 1st part

+ ENTERTAINMENT & TRAVEL
30. Visit Israel.
31. Live in another city. ++ goal completed
32. Go to Seattle.
33. Visit a wonder of the world.
34. Ride a train to an entirely new city or state.
35. Go apple picking.
36. Take a weekend trip to a different city.++ goal completed
37. Go tree house camping.

+ ORGANIZE
38. Clear out my inbox and keep emails organized.++ goal completed
39. Clean out my garage.++ goal completed
40. Clean up my room. ++ goal completed
41. Redesign my room. ++ goal completed
42. Organize my computer files, transfer files from old computer.++ goal completed
43. Buy a hard drive. ++ goal completed
44. Get around to backing up my computer because time machine is awesome and I have it. ++ goal completd
45. Organize my bookmarks. and share the good ones! ++ goal completed

+ FOR MYSELF
46. Start a workout, get healthy or stay in shape.
47. Not eat out for 2 months straight. (Trying hard to do so)
48. Make my bed for a month. ++ goal completed (In hostel)
49. Encourage someone to make a list! ++ goal completed
50. Plant a time capsule.
51. Keep a prayer journal.
52. Start a list with him.
53. Try a new haircut that I have never had.
54. Go to a movie by myself.
55. Enter myself into a competition.++ goal completed (in MHS/MKB)
56. Write down 5 good things a day for a month straight. (or longer)
57. Put aside rm50 a month for 6 months and then go on a shopping spree.
58. Write a "if anything ever happens to me" letter.

+ FOR OTHERS
59. Volunteer at orphanage with the kids.
60. Surprise someone.++ goal completed * simple task*
61. Write 10 handwritten letters.
62. Send some fun mail to 5 friends.++ goal completed
63. Invest my time in someone, be intentional.
64. Find a organization or missionary to support consistently.
65. Put together 5 Christmas shoeboxes.
66. Donate 5 bags of clothing.
67. Donate rm500.
68. Donate 101 items.
69. Treat a friend out to tea and scones.++ goal completed
70. Pray for someone for a month straight.++ goal completed

+ FUN
71. Make gourmet cupcakes.++ goal completed
72. Build a snowman.(Impossible in my place, I know)
73. Get a nice flat screen tv. ++ goal completed
74. Go on a picnic with my friends
75. Talk a walk in the rain.
76. Enter casino. (Still haven’t reach the age)
77. Snag a treasury. ++ goal completed
78. Host a swap party with friends.
79. Host a giveaway at my blog.
80. Attend a gameshow, talkshow, or something tv-related.++ goal completed
81. Blog daily for 30 consecutive days.
82. Win something, anything! I never win things. hehe.
83. Go to the beach and relax, build a sandcastle. ++ goal completed
84. Bake lace cookies and chocolate chipless cookies. ++ goal completed
85. Send a message in a bottle.
86. Host a crepe / holiday party with my friends.
87. Watch Star Wars...maybe. (I've never seen it, but it's funny to see people's reactions when I tell them)

+ STUDIES & MONEY
88. Add 10 new items to my jewelry box.
89. Start up my new life of studies.++ goal completed
90. Do a craft show.
91. Start a job, design-related.
92. Apply at university I longed for.++ goal completed
93. Get my finances in order.++ goal completed
94. Invest my money in something and start saving! ++ goal completed
95. See if I can live off my own income through my part time job.
96. Put away rm200 a month for 6 months straight.
97. Throw away my chemistry and biology books ++ goal completed
98. Start and stick to a budget.++ goal completed
99. Cut coupons and try to save some $ for 3 months.
100. Do not buy anything for myself for one whole month.(Extremely hard man)
101. At the end of the 1001 days, put aside rm25 in savings for each task completed.